Rosa's Sins
by Freida Right
Summary: Rosa is nervous before the final battle, and seeks solace in the confession of her recent sins. But a simple confession turns into something much deeper than she had expected...


Disclaimer: You know I don't own any of this. I just wanted to point this out, cuz I haven't done a disclaimer in, like, a _really_ long time and you might have forgotten.

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Rosa hesitated before knocking on the hard wooden door three times. She stood and waited patiently to be answered; she could hear two children fighting loudly in the room beyond. At last the door opened and a pink-haired white mage stuck her head out.

"May we help you?" she asked politely.

"May I speak with the Elder for a moment?" Rosa asked, just as politely.

The white mage glanced over her shoulder as the argument continued. "He's a little busy at the moment..."

She was interrupted as the aging Elder appeared behind her and pushed the door wide to see his visitor. He looked pleased to see her.

"Miss Farrell; how nice to see you," he greeted. "How may I help you this evening?"

"I'd like to speak to you alone for a bit," Rosa answered. "There's something I wanted to tell you, but I'd rather be alone."

"I understand," the Elder agreed, nodding. "Take the twins downstairs," he instructed his assistant. "And warn Porom that I'm going to ground her if she hits her brother again."

The assistant nodded with an understanding smile and retreated back into the room, calling the twin's names. Rosa watched, amused, as the two little children dashed out of the room and the assistant hurried after them before they got too far from her.

"Hello," the greeted Rosa at the same time.

"Hello," she returned.

"Hey, someone said something about Cecil and that moody dragoon guy and that ninja going back to the moon," Palom said to her in his goofy, nonchalant way. "Is it true?"

Rosa sighed sadly. "It's true," she agreed.

"Why?" he asked.

"It's a long story..."

"Oh. That's okay, I guess."

Porom smacked him soundly over the head. "Can't you see that you're making her uncomfortable?" she scolded.

"Porom, what have we told you about hitting your brother?" the assistant snapped.

"Sorry," the girl said aloofly, letting her vivid violet eyes wander into the rafters.

"Downstairs with you both," the Elder commanded with a wave of his hand. "And say goodnight to Miss Farrell."

The twins exchanged a wary look. "Goodnight," the chorused apprehensively. Whiled Palom dashed down the stairs, Porom turned around and gave Rosa's legs a quick hug.

"Good night," she said sweetly, and ran after her twin.

The pink-haired assistant smiled over her shoulder. "Goodnight, ma'am," she added, and ran after the twins.

Rosa smiled after them. "When they aren't fighting, they're very sweet," she noted.

"Indeed," the Elder agreed. "Please, come inside."

Rosa followed him soberly into the small study, marveling at the thick books all around her. There were so many that the shelves were packed beyond their capacity, and still more were stacked in uneven piles around the room like pillars. The late afternoon light spilled through a tall, wide window, and fell blindingly against the top of a polished desk of dark wood.

"I believe I know why you've come," the Elder informed as he and Rosa approached the desk. "Prince Edge and Miss Rydia have already come by for confession, but I'm a little surprised that it's taken you so long to get up here."

"It's been a busy day," Rosa admitted. "I would have come early this morning, but I'm so tired..."

"Can I expect to see Cecil soon?"

"Most likely; I'm not sure where he is right now, but the last time I saw him was in the garden out back. He seemed troubled; prepare to spend a few hours with him tonight," she advised.

"And your dragoon friend?"

"...I wouldn't count on Kain coming for a confession," she answered sadly.

"Hm. I'm sorry to hear that. Come; there's a stool over here," he directed, pulling a spare stool from under his desk. "So, what was it that you wanted to confess?"

"I've missed confession for so long; there's a lot on my chest right now," Rosa answered, sitting on the stool.

"So it was with the others; I understand. Please, take your time."

Rosa took a deep breath and tried to think back to the last time she had gone to confession. That had been way back before she left Baron and contracted the desert fever. So much had happened; she wasn't sure where to start.

"Well, I disobeyed my mother," she said finally. "She never understood what I saw in Cecil; when we were told that he had died in an earthquake not 20 miles from us, I just couldn't believe it. So... I ran off to see for myself."

"I imagine that she wasn't very impressed with your decision?"

"I... I wouldn't really know. The few times I've been back since then, I haven't seen her. I can only assume that she's disowned me by now; she'd be _really_ mad at me."

"You love him; you've been so loyal to him, and to the mission. He's a lucky young man, you know."

"........"

"Is something wrong?"

"Another thing that happened, when I was trapped in the Tower of Zot..."

"Ah yes, I remember. Cecil spoke of it while he was here. Please, continue."

"Okay, so it goes like this: when I was being held prisoner in the tower, I was chained to a wall; I couldn't get away. And one day—I haven't told _anyone_ about this—...Kain kissed me. And I didn't fight back."

The Elder tried to maintain a calm look. "Surely it was an accident?"

"Of course! And I couldn't stand him for it; I wanted to punch him in the face with a set of brass knuckles!" she answered indignantly, a long-suppressed rage finally clawing its way to the surface.

"Why didn't you fight back?"

"Because I was dazed and confused by what was happening—I was paralyzed. And I was tired; I'd been standing on my feet with my wrists chained to the wall above my head. I may not have had the strength or feeling in my arms or legs to fight back anyway."

"Then it wasn't your fault," the Elder concluded. "Why so mad at yourself, then?"

"Because, even though I wanted to kill him, it was still at the back of my mind: he wasn't in his right mind; he was being brainwashed. I felt like part of it was okay, because it wasn't really Kain who was assaulting me. It was someone else. Somehow, in my mind, at that moment, it seemed to condone everything.

"And then he ran off again. He nearly destroyed the Blue Planet that time. I felt like such an idiot..." she sighed, her head sinking into her hands.

"Have you forgiven him?"

".....I'm not sure. It's our last night here; I want to forgive him before..." she trailed off again, uneasy about finishing the sentence. "But a part of me doesn't want to. You know, so many people forget that white mages—especially female white mages—don't hold grudges or feel rage. In truth, I think we battle with grudges and anger more than anyone else; some people think that they don't have to pay attention to how angry they make us, and they just walk all over us. It can drive a person mad."

"I can understand what you mean," the Elder agreed, "but what did you mean, '_Our_ last night here'? You're not going."

"That's another thing I need to confess. I'm... I'm lying to Cecil, and pretty much everyone else. Rydia and I talked about it earlier: tomorrow morning, before anyone else is awake, we're stowing away on the _Lunar Whale_. We're _going_ with them, and they were all fools to think they could stop us," she finished petulantly.

The Elder regarded her, surprised. "...Your resolve is stronger than one would guess," he informed. "Rydia never mentioned it, but she still seemed burdened with something grave when she left; something that she seriously wanted to say, but was overwhelmingly afraid to."

"Well..."

"Anything else?"

Rosa sat back and thought for a minute of all the little, gratuitous sins she had committed as a child that she had never bothered to confess for fear of being grounded. Tonight, before leaving to face certain doom... Why not, she wondered.

"I stole three potions from the market when I was eight, for a remedy I had found in a textbook; the concoction exploded in my face and gave me a rash for a few weeks, but I told everyone that I had taken the potions from the white magic lab," she explained. "That same year, I agreed to 'go' with one of the page boys who really like me, but then I cheated on him with one of the other mages in my class; two months later, I dumped them both. Let's see... Oh, I also overfed and killed our class pet and, when I was asked, I said that I had no idea how it happened. When I was 12, my mother went out of the house and I snuck into the liquor cabinet, just to see what was there, and I burned my throat drinking straight vodka from the bottle; I told my mother that I had burned my throat on some hot soup, and she completely fell for it. Just a few months before Cecil was sent here for the crystal, I tripped a guy on purpose and fell and broke his leg in three places. He deserved it though; he was a jerk...

"And I think that's about it, for now."

The Elder sat in silence, staring at her with astonishment and his mouth wide open. "...I suppose that I am the only other person to ever know most of this?" he guessed. Rosa nodded grimly.

"Didn't the others have deep, dark, horrible secrets to confess as well?" she asked.

"Well, yes they did. It all just sounds so strange coming—"

"From a white mage?" Rosa finished sarcastically.

"...Frankly, yes."

"The incident with the vodka scared me away from strong drink in general; I don't even like to drink wine or beer as medicine."

"Fascinating," the Elder mused. "So many people here have noted how perfect and pure your role in this story has been: the devoted white mage, the lady fair, trapped in a tower, the party's backbone. They've paid so much attention to the mere tale; I think they've all forgotten that all of you are just people. None of us are perfect, Miss Rosa; some make more mistakes than others, some make few mistakes at all, but none of us are perfect. Even white mages fall painfully short of perfection.

"Personally, I find the heavily flawed version of you far more intriguing than the flawless saint of the stories. It makes you a real person, not an untouchable angel; one can actually touch you. I like that."

Rosa looked shyly up at him, comforted. "Thank you... I think... You won't tell the others, will you?"

"No, of course not. I had to wonder at the logic behind their decision to leave you and Miss Rydia behind. You're a strong white mage; those three won't see the ten minute mark without you. As for Miss Rydia, she's a powerful mage herself—the last Summoner. Her eidolons will come in very handy up there, as will her black magic. The twins are very discontent about it as well; if they were a little older, they'd probably stow away themselves. Extra magic on both sides would certainly come in handy, but they _are_ only six. As much as it bothers them, they must remain here."

"Better to die among family, able to find some kind of shelter and protection, than where we're going," Rosa added grimly.

"You doubt the success of the mission?"

"It seems so impossible. If Golbez and FuSoYa were unable to stop Zemus, how can _we_? Beside the two of them—with all their strength and magic and knowledge—our own power seems laughable at best."

"Don't lose hope," The Elder insisted, laying a soothing hand on her shoulder. "So long as the warriors of Light have faith and press forward, the Darkness will fade away. Whether said Warriors of Light are fighting interdimensional fiends who plot to destroy al life as we know it, or simply folks like me who lead the world's people in truthful devotion and worship to that Light. We are all Warriors, and we all have battles to fight; but if we don't have faith in our fights, we will lose them. Beware of despair—it's a fair-weather friend, to be sure."

"I understand what you mean, but I'm still scared."

"Good. I'd be very concerned if you weren't. Even unsinkable Palom, who lacks the common sense to know when to be afraid, is sorely upset. It's nothing new for his sister, who scolds him regularly for his foolishness, but being afraid makes him uncomfortable. And it's certainly nothing new to you, now is it?"

"I've spent the past two years in almost constant fear," Rosa agreed. "It's hard to remember a time when I didn't feel some kind of fear at every moment of the day. And for whole kingdoms—Eblan and Damcyan, namely—still have the uncertainty of being put back together again. It's going to be a long time before any kind of normalcy returns to the Blue Planet."

"Now isn't the time to fret about the future, dear. First you must secure it, and _then_ we can turn our attention to it."

"Oh, okay. That sue takes a load off," Rosa sighed, checking the position of the sun. "It's getting late," she noted, rising from the stool. "I should go find Rydia so we can finish getting our things together. It's going to be a hard night for all of us."

"Well, obviously you won't be here when I rise," the Elder commented, showing her to the door. "So fare thee well, Rosa Farrell; I wish you luck. I wish you _all_ luck."

She smiled back as she shut the door and started down the stairs, keeping her eyes open for her green-haired friend.

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Author's Notes...

Alright, yeah, some of you are probably sitting there and thinking to yourself, "What the _heck_ was this about?!"

Well, I'll tell you.

I find it a bit suspect that Rosa and Rydia never make mistakes and are pretty much perfect. You know how at the end of the game FuSoYa talks about how every creature has some kind of darkness in it and then chooses whether or not to act on said darkness? Well, when I played the game for the first time and he said that Rosa immediately came to mind for some reason. Rosa's a creature too; what about _her_ darkness?

So, I answered my own question in the only way I know how: with a _fanfic_!

And now everyone can learn and enjoy my bantering. You brave, lucky new world, you...

P.S. This is on a totally different plane than _The Faraxhae Family Circus_.

—Freida Right.


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